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"The mind of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly". Proverbs 15:14

In many relationships of today, the parties involved tend to loose enthusiasm in the relationship thinking they no longer love each other because feelings are fading away and this brings about behaviours that are not acceptable.  A relationship in the first place should never be initiated on the basis of "feelings" even though feelings have a role to play. You must be led by God and be convinced of your relationship in order to enjoy all the benefits of it.

Relationship in general is God's idea and we are to enjoy them and not endure or tolerate it. A relationship that started all rosy and good can actually on the long run become difficult for both parties to deal with; that is why basing your decisions on feelings alone can disappoint you.


Some people may mistake the feelings that come with being in an unhealthy relationship with depression, and try to treat the wrong things to feel better. Understanding what should never be accepted in a relationship, of any kind, will make it easier to escape a harmful and destructive relationship and start rebuilding your life.

When you see these signs in your partner, know that unhealthiness has set in in your relationship:

1. A controlling partner.
Relationships are built on trust. When there’s a lack of trust, the relationship is going to start to fall apart. Partners who are extremely controlling and demand that they know where their significant other is at all times should never be tolerated. Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partners whether they or their partners realize what’s happening or not. Whether controlling behavior leads to more severe emotional or physical abuse or not, it is not a healthy situation. Therefore, controlling behavior is a red flag. While it may not seem too bad at first, it can escalate quickly. Everyone deserves to have a level of trust, freedom, and control over their autonomy in a relationship.

2. Breaching trust.
If your partner is going around telling everyone the things you’ve told them in private, or sneaking in your private things like your phone or your computer, then that isn’t okay by any means. Partners should have mutual trust with one another and respect for each other’s belongings and private matters. Someone should be able to trust their partner not to betray them, not worry if they’ve already done so.

3. Neediness.
The desire to feel loved and wanted is perfectly normal in most relationships. However, when that desire turns into a controlling neediness, it can make one partner feel overwhelmed. Neediness can “destroy romantic relationships, compromise professional opportunities, and contribute to a cycle of frustration, depression, and dissatisfaction, ” says relationship development expert AJ Harbinger.A relationship should be built with two independent partners. If one partner is starting to act more like a child than a lover, the relationship is bound to go sour, fast. Everyone deserves to feel as if they’re an equal, not a caretaker.

See also: 10 Golden Secrets You Must Know Before Marriage

4. Negativity.
Not everyone can be positive at all times. There are times where people feel low in their lives. But a relationship that is devoid of positivity is a relationship that no one should have to deal with. A consistently negative partner will eventually start to seep into the way that they treat their significant other, which will be bound to be just as negative as the rest of their outlook. Settling for a partner with a negative outlook will only bring you down.

5. Emotionally unavailable.
If your partner is emotionally unavailable, then the relationship is just not going to work. People get into relationships because they want to share their lives with another person. Someone who is emotionally unavailable and getting into a relationship may not have your best interests in mind – in fact, they may not be interested in your emotions at all, but rather a financial gain or sexual gratifications. Being with someone emotionally available is a key part of any relationship, and a lack of emotional reciprocation should never be tolerated.

6. Bad listener.
Communication is the backbone of any relationship. Without it, most relationships face a plethora of problems. Couples who don’t communicate may find that their relationship can go sour fast. One thing that no one should ever have to tolerate in a relationship is a partner who doesn’t listen to them. Someone who doesn’t listen doesn’t value your thoughts, opinions or feelings, and no one should have to deal with that in a relationship.

7. Unsupportiveness.
A red flag in any relationship is a partner who gets jealous of their significant other’s success, or a partner who tries to keep their significant other from achieving their goals. A healthy relationship includes partners who are supportive of one another, not partners who try to sabotage one another. Never accept a relationship where your partner doesn’t support your dreams and goals in life.

8. Irresponsibility.
A partner who shirks their share of the chores, spends recklessly and doesn’t take responsibility for their actions is not a partner that anyone should have to deal with in a relationship.

Read A love worth giving

An abusive or unhealthy relationship is never God's plan for us. You must learn to make the right choices and observe how the other person acts and behaves towards you and others. If you eventually find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, don't hold on because of the so called feelings you have for him/her. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. Let God lead you.

God can only lead you to the right relationship when you have a relationship with Him and your heart is with Him and for Him and not for the world. Remember any man who wishes to make himself a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. James 4:4. So you see that you cannot do things the world's way and expect God to lead you. Be a friend of God today. God desires the best for you.

You can begin a relationship now with the Lord Jesus Christ by saying this prayer:

 Lord Jesus Christ I acknowledge that I am a sinner, I believe in your death and resurrection. I ask you to forgive me my sins, I reject the devil and all his works and l welcome the Holy Spirit into my life. I declare today I am born again and I am a child of God in Jesus name .Amen .
If you just said that prayer I welcome you to God's family. Look for a Bible believing church where God's word is taught and fellowship there.

 If you made this decision please send a mail to

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